The story of John includes the highs and lows that most human beings seem to experience, including significant challenges, or catalysts for change, appearing in the play of life.
After achieving what could be called material and personal success in life, there was the seeming loss of all that was held secure and important, including career and family unit, with health consequences of a stressful life, all appearing as deep sustained suffering.
There were many years of spiritual seeking to find understanding, and some form of relief, peace and happiness. This included “education” through countless books, courses, retreats and other teachings.
Despite all this, there was confusion, frustration and still a yearning for peace and happiness, with the idea that “I could figure it all out and control it” and create a better version of “myself” and “my” life.
There was deep disciplined meditation, exploration of sensation and the body, and passionate curiosity into the nature of mind, studies of neuroscience, thought and reactivity and associated bodily interaction.
At some point at the point of surrender, seemingly spontaneously, there was an “awakening”; an “indescribable energetic de contraction” of the separate self phenomenon of thought. There was a change in perspective, seeing the essence of separate self identity as created from resistance to what is as it is and the flow of life which seems to have become a new unknowable being. The conditioning of the body/mind still seemed to come and go, but now with a different more open unknowing accepting perspective.
Interest gravitated towards self-inquiry and exploration of the nature of self and non-duality.
Sometime later, there was a innate “seeing” that what was aware and experiencing through the biology, was the same vibrant intelligent life, being expressed and interacted with everywhere, or a perspective in non-separated wholeness. It seemed so simple, obvious and funny. “How could this have not been seen before?” There was just surrender and open acceptance, without needing to know how it all is.
Life flows more in peace now without believed identification, yet there seems to be more efficiency with day to day life without the wasted energy in turbulence or suffering.
The appearance of various reactions in the mind, thoughts and memory, emotions and character traits, and even the experience of feeling like a separate me, is just seen as constantly changing interconnected energy expressing spontaneously. Human experiences still appear and change, however it isn't taken as seriously.
There is open natural peace and happiness in the flow of life, which always is, but seems to be overlooked with the sensations of living as a mind generated separate self.
This is shared now through online Zoom sessions, YouTube videos, and one on one deep discussions.